Despite popular belief, depth is not created by the amount of fun and enjoyment you have with your partner. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t hurt! But fun doesn’t really make your relationship deeper.
If you don’t believe me, I want you to think of going to a recent dinner out. Sure, there were smiling happy faces. The room was full of laughter and joy. However, does the enjoyment actually create depth?[ Do you share about all your worries and insecurities, and why you think and feel the way you do? Or, do you put on a happy face and pretend for the crowd of people that you’re having a good time? Most often it’s the latter.
In order to achieve depth, you need more than just opportunity. Cornering someone and yelling “Tell me ALL YOUR SECRETS!” is not likely to work. You have to have a conducive environment to allow for depth to develop. So here are 2 things you can do to help craft that environment:
1. Is there trust?
Plain and simple, if you want depth you NEED to have trust. In order for people to share something deep and close to their heart, they need to know they can trust the other person not to make fun of them or judge them. People often say, “Why doesn’t my partner/spouse/friend share their feelings with me?” 9 out of 10 times it comes back to trust.
2. Are you willing to listen?
There is nothing quite as disheartening as spilling your guts about an emotional issue to someone and just not being heard. I have literally used an actual sign in sessions in order to show someone they aren’t listening (and you wouldn’t believe how many people fight me on this one!). Seriously, you gotta be willing to listen and maybe hear some things you don’t understand and can’t fix. Your thoughts, feelings, and opinions deep down may not match. That’s okay! Learning to be a good and effective listener will help ANY relationship, and will definitely lay the groundwork for a strong foundation for a deep relationship.
Want to create better communication in your relationship? Grab a spot in my free Masterclass – How to Communicate: Relationship Edition!
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