You wanna know how to get in trouble fast? Start comparing your spouse or relationship to others around you. The comparison game is dangerous to relationships, and here’s why!
When it comes to comparisons, there is only ONE (say it with me ONE) way that it is useful, and that is when you are talking about positive things.
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When Flynn Rider returns for Rapunzel at the end of Tangled, you can turn to your partner and promise that you, too, would give up gold and glory for love…
Although if we’re being real, it’s not a great idea because now you’re just pointing out romantic things you hypothetically would do without actually DOING them!
Nine out of ten times, playing the comparison game will get you into trouble.
Saying things like, “My old boyfriend(s) never fought with me like this!” or “Jack was just a better kisser!” is only going to get you into a fight.
You might be thinking: “that’s ridiculous, who would say that!?” And the answer is: well, honestly, more people than you’d think.
So let’s dive into the reasons you should steer clear of the comparison game, and I’ll give something you can do that will bring you closer to your partner.
Here’s what happens when you compare your partner to someone else:
1. It hurts their feelings.
Negative or unflattering comparisons can be painful. And once they’re said, they stick around. Every couple has words or sayings that live in infamy. They may have been said as a joke or in the heat of the moment, but they can prey on your partner’s mind going forward.
2. It builds insecurities.
Repeat after me: “DO NOT MAKE COMPARISONS ABOUT SENSITIVE ISSUES OR TRIGGERS.” Often negative comparisons just make people self-conscious and worried that they aren’t good enough. Take the “Jack kissing” comment from earlier. If your partner says that, you may think, “Oh no… Am I a bad kisser? Have I always been bad at it, and they just never told me before? What if they get tired of my kisses and start lusting after other lips?” Now every time you kiss them, you’re either going to feel inept or that you have to overcompensate. Trust me, those aren’t the kisses you want to give! These thoughts can derail confidence and do some real damage even after a relationship is over. You may even avoid new relationships altogether so people won’t have to deal with your bad kisses!
3. It’s just a way to be judgmental
Yeah, you heard me! It’s judgy! It’s just a way of saying, “I don’t like this thing about you, and here’s how much I don’t like it!” Seriously though, it’s not a great dynamic to play with in the relationship because while yes, your significant other might do something you don’t like, there are better ways to bring it up to them than by comparing them to someone else.
I hope that seeing the negative effects of The Comparison Game will help you both to avoid this tactic.
And now, here’s the good stuff!!
Here’s the thing you can do INSTEAD of comparison that’s WAY BETTER!!
Ready?! Ok… here it is:
Tell them the thing that bothers you and what you would like them to do differently.
I know it may not sound super fun and sexy BUT! Doing this will help you not only get your point across but also give them a way to work on it.
If it’s kissing, you can simply say less tongue or more tongue, and then they’d not only be a better kisser than Jack but the kisser you specifically want!
So trust me. Don’t play comparisons. Just have a normal conversation. Your relationship will thank you!
Want to create better communication in your relationship? Grab a spot in my free Masterclass – How to Communicate: Relationship Edition!
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