On your self discovery journey, there is question you should ask yourself every day: How do you get out of your own way?

The answer is not that obvious, is it?! That’s why people often struggle with getting out of their own way. Since we are all different, what works for one of us won’t work for everyone.

So here are a couple of tips to help you on your self discovery journey:  

1. How do you think and feel about the situation?

Look at and break down what the upset or difficulty is. Then consider how you FEEL and THINK about it. Note that how you think about something is NOT THE SAME as how you feel about something, and vice versa. I think that women should have the right to choose what happens to their bodies. That is my thought. My feeling about it is that I am angry at those who would take that right away, and sad for all those who will suffer for the loss. See how they are different?

2. Put your emotions and arguments to the side and look at the facts!

Notice that I said to put your emotions & arguments to the side, not get rid of them. Your thinking may be correct, but you need to get out of your own way to get a more objective look. Why is that important? Because if you are only looking from your own perspective, then you will never truly see the whole picture. Maybe by looking and listening to the arguments and actions of those around you, you can get a more well-rounded view of what is actually happening (not just what you believe is happening).

Your emotions and opinions can get in the way of seeing the situation objectively and keep you from seeing what is really happening.

For example, if you’re always getting into the same argument with your partner, it’s because you’re always playing the same hand of cards the same way. Instead, put your hand of cards to the side and take a look at what is happening (i.e. look at the facts)! Consider why your partner is playing their hand the way they are; you may get insights that will help you find a solution, since you can now see their perspective as well as your own.  

3. Learn from your self discovery journey so you can stay out of your own way.

This lesson is probably the hardest. You need to understand that even if you are right, there is still plenty for you to learn. If you find yourself getting really angry and getting stuck in the same situations over and over again, ask yourself why is that happening? What can you do next time so that you don’t get in your own way? This can be hard to do because in the moment you may not be able to catch yourself. That’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up! The blame and guilt will only distract you from learning what you can do differently and better next time.

Again, each of us may have a different approach. The hope is that these steps will allow you to start to suss out what is going on inside of you, and allow you to grow into the person you want to be. Good luck on your self discovery journey!

Want to create better communication in your relationship? Grab a spot in my free Masterclass – How to Communicate: Relationship Edition!

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