In this post, I’ll show you how to create a successful long-distance relationship!!
(Hey! Want to watch a video about this blog post? Watch it on my YouTube Channel!)
Most people think that long distance is a death sentence for a relationship! Even relationship gurus like Mark Manson struggle with making long distance work. They think that If you aren’t in physical proximity, love ebbs away, and your relationship is doomed! In reality, distance is not a killer, but instead is a relationship revealer. I did long distance many times and made it work, and today I am sharing my tried-and-true survival tips with you.
To be clear, long-distance gets a bad rap. My wife and I dated for THREE YEARS of long distance, and we’re married now. So trust me when I say distance DOES NOT have to be a relationship killer.
When I say distance is a relationship revealer, I mean: cuddles, kisses, and sex are great, but they will only take you so far, and can distract you away from other areas of your relationship that need work.
Here are 3 essential things you need to keep your long-distance relationship alive and thriving!
1. Communication Skills
Communication is especially important when you’re separated by distance. Unfortunately, for all of you texters, snap chatters, and emailers, there’s so much we miss when we only use these brief text interactions. It’s just not enough communication.
The reason it’s not enough is: if I send you a text that simply says “k” I could be happy, sad, angry, or a whole bunch of other emotions, and you won’t know.
Text can be ok for quick communication, but ONLY if you are having casual chats.
Pro-tip: casual chats = casual relationships
You don’t want just casual; You want extraordinary! To do this, you have to get on the phone or Zoom, hear each other’s voices, and be willing to listen to one another. Ask them about their day, favorite and least favorite things, get interested, and get engaged.
Be willing to be vulnerable and ask in-depth questions. This makes you go deeper and brings you closer. Also, pro-tip, get in the habit of telling each other how something did or did not work, and then, this is the best part, discuss it!!
If you’d like a recipe for relationship success, then check out my online Seminar!
Plain and simple: if you don’t make your partner a priority, they aren’t going to want to stay in the relationship. It’s not rocket surgery, and it applies whether your relationship is long-distance OR no distance.
If you are in a relationship and spend all your nights at the pub with your friends, then you make them a higher priority than your relationship. That will backfire on you. You need a balance.
Now let’s be clear, this doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun, but you need to consider the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. You must talk about what you both need and try to adapt. Again, to be clear, you aren’t sacrificing yourselves but simply trying to get closer by being attentive and communicating.
The truth is that partners who take the time to consider each other stay together.
Resilience will determine your success because, let’s face it, being apart from each other sucks.
My wife and I were apart for three years while we were finishing our master’s degrees, and we were busy all the time, and it was rough!! Not gonna lie, it took a fair amount of work and, truthfully, resilience.
Resilience helps you stay committed, interested, and focused on enjoying your experience.
Here are 3 ways to create resilience that I promise will help:
a. Zoom with them daily
Luckily for us, we live in a world where we can call and Zoom with people pretty much whenever we want. So we gotta take advantage of this to include our special person in our daily lives. Not just for sit-downs and chats but also to have the connection “in the background” while you live your life.
Sophie and I were in graduate school when we started dating. We studied together, cooked together, and even fell asleep together over Skype (this was in ye olde days before Zoom).
We’d just put each other on the screen and live our lives. This way we could chat and just be around each other, which is what being in a relationship means.
b. Always have a get-together on the books
Even if it’s a couple of weeks or a month from now, something to look forward to can make a huge difference!! It allows you to plan something romantic or fun and keep your excitement and anticipation up.
Make sure to take turns visiting each other, plan to try new things you might be interested in, and MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT.
One year, for Sophie’s birthday, I got a gluten-free cake and flowers, walked two miles to the nearest train station, and took a red-eye Amtrak train to Boston from Philly. It’s not that hard to make something a big deal. If you need ideas, watch any rom-com and extrapolate (or, check out this date night post I made).
c. Watch out for jumping to conclusions
If you see a picture or a post online of your partner with someone else, DO NOT listen to the voice in your head that whispers, “You are being replaced.”
If you scroll through their social media and you see a photo of your partner with a cute person, DO NOT assume they are cheating. Don’t pick a fight. Ask questions and bring up your concerns in a productive manner. Remember your partner is allowed to have friends of the gender or orientation they date. Just talk about it, and for the love of God, don’t jump to conclusions because that will only drive a wedge between you.
Long distance gets a bad rap, but I’ve proven with my own relationships that it can work! These tips are all tried and true, and if you use them in any relationship (no matter the distance between you), you come out on the other side stronger & more connected than ever.
Don’t let long distance get you down! Your relationship success is up to YOU so start using these tips today and see what a difference it makes!
Want to create better communication in your relationship? Grab a spot in my free Masterclass – How to Communicate: Relationship Edition!
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