Breakups don’t come out of nowhere, they build up over time until one day, BOOM!

Relationships can be as strong as steel or as fragile as glass. Today I’m talking about 3 things that can break your relationship, AND I’ll tell you how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you!

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As a therapist and relationship expert, I talk to a lot of couples that are going through tough times and dealing with breakups.

I can tell you that many of the situations I hear couples talk about come from 3 core issues!

3 core issues that can lead to a breakup:

1. Lack of integrity.

Let’s get the easy one out of the way first. Integrity and trust are the heart of every relationship.

Think about it. Has anyone ever lied to you, and the next time they tell you something, regardless of whether or not it’s actually true, you don’t believe them?

The two most common ways this issue shows up in relationships are lying and cheating. 

If you or your partner are guilty of this, then be ready because, with each further break in integrity, your relationship becomes more and more fragile.

And the lies don’t have to be big ones… even small lies can add up to create big problems. I have seen more relationships broken by silly, unnecessary lies than anything else.

2. Refusing to talk or engage with serious topics.

If you refuse to deal with serious topics in your relationship, then problems are inevitable.

These conversations include the future, jobs, kids, marriage, and other core values. 

When you deflect away from these topics, you are showing your partner that their opinions and thoughts don’t matter. And you just end up kicking the can down the road for another day.

You gotta treat these conversations seriously. Don’t brush them off, and god forbid, don’t try to make them into jokes or attempt to gaslight your partner about them.

Even partners who have been together for a long time find themselves falling into this trap, so watch out!

3. Not pulling your weight.

Think for a moment about what it’s like to be in a group project with someone who is not pulling their weight. It’s really frustrating!!

Relationships are like group projects, and many relationships hit a breaking point when one person isn’t putting their share of effort in.

Some people want to coast on their significant other’s successes and therefore become too comfortable.

And before anyone says, “It’s fine to be comfortable,” just think!! If one person is doing all the work and the other isn’t doing much, that’s gonna get old real quick. 

So now that you know the three core issues, consider something for a moment. 

Everyone has different definitions of what works and doesn’t work in their relationships. 

That’s why it’s possible that you may actually be engaging in some of these negative practices without even knowing it! 

So I encourage you to talk to your partner to make sure your definitions match. Having the conversation helps prevent issues from becoming breakups.

2 things you can do to avoid pitfalls:

1. Realize that if something is a problem for one of you, it’s a problem for both of you.

You are a team! What affects one of you WILL affect the relationship too! This doesn’t mean that you need to come riding in on a white horse to save the day all the time. Far from it! 

When one of you struggles, the other needs to be compassionate. That can be as easy as acknowledging that what they’re going through is tough, and it sucks. So here’s the super important bit: ASK your partner how you can support them. 

Without this insight, you might unknowingly start poking an already angry bear, and we know how well that can work out…

2. Endeavor to pull equal weight, which doesn’t have to be the same weight.

When it comes to “pulling weight,” I mean how much effort and attention you’re putting into the relationship.

Here’s an example: When tax season comes around, my wife Sophie, being the smart cookie she is, tackles a lot of the paperwork that I wouldn’t be able to understand even on my best day.  I can see that it is a LOT of work, so that’s when I make sure to clean the house, make the meals, and offer support by ASKING her what she needs. 

This helps Sophie focus on her work and know that even though I can’t do it for her, we are in it together, and I am pulling my weight in other ways to make the process as easy as possible.

These tools help to keep your relationship strong and avoid unnecessary drama that can lead to breakups.